December 15, 2017

Your last anything

(In which I contemplate that no one knows the hour of their death)

This can't be my last post
This can't be my last car ride
This can't be my last drink
This can't be my last bowl
Surely I will have time someday to find joy in a fulfilling hobby

May 15, 2017

Awful monotony

(In which I whine about how mood swings get really old)

I've been having extreme mood swings where days are radically different.  One day I'm upbeat, energetic, productive, grateful, and optimistic. The little things don't bother me. I'm confident I will tackle them and they are manageable. I will get things done.  My thoughts are quick. They bubble up to the surface. It feels like basking in a relaxing hot spring.

April 20, 2017

Vyvanse malestrom

(In which I moan about ADD medication)

I really need to get off the Vyvanse.

I'm almost positive it's giving me terrible mood swings.  It wasn't this bad when I first started taking it.

March 2, 2017

Code monkey trap

(In which I complain about my job)

Work stress is nearly unbearable right now.  Deadlines are speeding toward me.  I am juggling two different projects both with imminent due dates.  I am the more or less the sole person responsible for the success or failure of the projects.  If something goes wrong it will be my ass on the line.

January 15, 2017

The painbirds are here

(In which I whine about the onset of January depression)

What a shitty 3 weeks it's been.  Vyvanse hasn't made me immune to the depression that always comes this time of year.  I had hoped it would help. Perhaps it has made it less severe, but, of course there's no way to know that.
I don't even know what to summarize things since I was posting somewhat regularly.  It's been a very long time. I've often thought of writing. It's pretty obvious I often have doubts I have anything worthwhile to say. 

May 19, 2016

The glass isn't half anything

(In which I rant about the glass being half full or half empty)

There has been depression, marital distress, and other stuff happening.  None of which I felt like blogging about particularly.  So I revert back to the daily prompt document I have.  The silly prompt for the day I checked (almost a week ago) was "Is the glass half-full, or half-empty?"

April 28, 2016

Recovering from someone else's surgery

(In which I become worthless)

On Monday I drove my parents to a hospital an hour away to get my dad's battery changed that powers his deep brain stimulation for Parkinson's.  It was a minor surgery that lasted less than an hour, went off without a hitch, and he continues to make a painless recovery.

April 20, 2016

God's not dead vs. God doesn't exist

(In which I pretend to know something about something)

I don't have much to talk about my daily life or thoughts on bipolar recently.  I also like to rant into the ether.  I picture myself foaming at the mouth shouting to the void.  So... this is a rant about the title only of the "God's Not Dead" films. Some things to note:

I am not intentionally trying to be inflammatory or attack anyone's views.  I am more irritated with the choice of the title as it seems disingenuous.

April 18, 2016

Are we the Albert Alexander of mental illness?

(In which I am jealous of the possible mental health treatments available in the future)

I saw this thing on TV once about Albert Alexander who got an infection from a cut from a rose thorn, started to get better from manufactured penicillin, but then died from the infection because they could not manufacture enough penicillin in time.

April 15, 2016

Target parking lot "Atmosphere"

This Wednesday night I had a tantrum with Mary that (in hindsight) was really juvenile.  I was exhausted after work.  I could barely keep my eyes open even sitting up straight.  It was ten minutes before Phillip's (my son with autism if you haven't read earlier posts) bedtime.  I started to think whether my exhaustion was due to work or whether I was at a low energy point due to mental illness.  Feelings of self-pity and entitlement flooded through me.  I thought, "How often do I really reach for help from Mary?  Don't I hold my own most of the time?  I am so exhausted I'm not sure I can even handle putting him to bed. What a help it would be if she would do it for me!"