July 20, 2019

Girl scout cookies




This is kinda turning into a substance abuse series of posts. So be it. That happens to be where I am. 
Of course, I could be making all this up. Who knows if I really did make my first "flower" purchase or not this week. I could be bullshit. But I'm not that smart. I'm legal baby. That's right. Degenerative disc disease. I think I can buy 3.5 oz a month. That would be an outrageous amount of weed to buy. I bought 3/8, got a $25 discount, and it still cost $134. I can't do math right now. 400 an oz. Times 3.5.$1,400. You'd almost have to smoke an eighth a day. Jesus H Christ in a boxcar. 
But I'm trying not to be reckless. It's under lock and key. Two times a week. 
Mary was preparing lesson plans for part of the day.  One little guy sick. One little guy stuck in on a rainy day. 

July 4, 2019

My Blue Dude



Keep your clothes on dude. He wants a bath before noon. I'm lazy and don't want to do it. But, I feel kinda bad. "It's better to burn out than to fade away." Continuing to eat hair of a doll. 
Update : another Sunday. The others are off to the tennis court.




Heavy heart




Making sure my blue dude keeps his clothes on. Bluetooth headphones blasting my latest playlist:
Happy birthday America. Congratulations on the revolution. I think we need another one. The population, the technology, the inequality... we need a new way. It feels nice to have a day off.   Even though my advisee is probably about to quit. Haven't listened to radiohead in so long.  Kinda steam of consciousness right now. Can't manage much more. My head really hurts a lot. The music doesn't bother me though. 
"In a fast German car, I'm amazed that I survived. The airbag saved my life."

July 3, 2019

Absurdly high


Omega 
July baby! Super super high right now! Holy shit it feels good!

It's July baby

In which I am under the influence while at work

Beer was buy one get one free at the closest liquor store.  Unfortunately it's the night of a sleepover with my son's friend.  And it would be appropriate to not act like a total lush.

The summer solstice is a couple of weeks behind me.  I have been angry or moody on a few nights.  I truly feel like doing one of those things where you mash together a bunch of lyrics from your favorite songs.  And so... because it gives me great impulsive pleasure... here I go.

I move with the elegance of an African elephant. 
He hit me and it felt like a kiss 
You're going to reap just what you sow
With my voice I am calling you
A loose affiliation of millionaires and billionaires

June 30, 2019

Just another Sunday


Sunday nights are conflicting
I'm really going to have an unpleasant Monday morning. My annual review at work. A presentation I'm supposed to do, but I'm unprepared for. And here I am blogging under the influence. Super Silver Haze. My wife is sick and can barely breathe. My son won't go to sleep. Been listening to Berlin today. Going to have to give him melatonin. This blogger free pro is a great app. It cracks me up it's called free pro. 

June 22, 2019

Summer solstice 2019

Yesterday was the summer solstice. As I've written about before, I'm convinced I enter a depressed state about 1-3 weeks after the solstice. Which can often flip into a mixed state. Mixed states are the most dangerous. Horribly depressed but with enough agitated energy to possibly act on suicidal thoughts. Few (including my pdoc) believe it's a real thing.  My wife is acutely aware this is a crappy time. She noticed this pattern before I did.

Work this past year has been more stressful than ever. I'm slowly getting pushed into being the leader of a team. We're also trying having hard deadlines every three months. We've missed every date so far which it's hard not to feel like a failure from that.

Today I've felt like jumping out of my skin. That nervous feeling like nothing is right. Which makes me wander around the house doing miscellaneous cleaning and feeling like I'm forgetting something. So unpleasant. I don't know how to shake it. Alcohol helps but of course I'm not supposed to drink. Nevertheless I picked up a six pack at the drive through liquor store that is a two minute drive from my house.

June 20, 2019

Love will tear us apart

I put a zero pixel image on my brain. It felt great.  Below is what I'll call uber mensch with Cheetohs.
Uber

Mildly stable

For several reasons... I've found some control back in my life. Mostly through my wife's actions which are so helpful.
And that is about all there is my dude. Been playing a lot of Mario Kart. Listening to spotify playlist with A$AP Rocky, Forest Swords, Sparklehorse, Lana del Rey, etc.
Even if I don't have much to say I am going to try blogging more. Just random thoughts seems acceptable to me. 

June 17, 2019

Octopus

 (In which I am blogging but shouldn't be and really have nothing to say)

This random photo is a sculpture my roommate Jimbo created and gave to me.  It's really nice.  I keep it on my desk.

Work is absolutely destroying me now as far as stress goes.  I am actually starting to wonder if I'm just going to keel over one day from a heart attack.  It really does feel like that sometimes.

Thus the self-medication

May 3, 2019

Axiom (Nonsense)

(In which I'm under the influence and make no sense)

I don't feel quite right.  Bit guilty really.
Read it in a book, it was underlined
My computer sounds like a jet engine.  I fear it will die soon.
Vampire Weekend on Spotify with a beer
Whew I am tired
This is a nonsense picture I created on my phone from stolen images found on Google and Tumblr.
As usual it has been way too long since I've posted.  I often think about posting but it just doesn't happen.  I post a lot more on Tumblr since it's so fast

March 27, 2019

Two headed boy

(In which I steal pictures I did in the past to write another post about Neutral Milk Hotel)


October 23, 2018

Wow I finally made it


Checkmate life!  I have conquered!  I'm an undeniable success!

Sarcasm is the protest of the weak.  There was an obvious thing a counselor said that stuck with me one of the times I had a compulsory stay at a psychiatric inpatient program.  That sounds so much better than... kept against my will in an institution.  Or locked up in the loony bin.

October 2, 2018

Oedipus

Oedipus
(In which I am a pseudo-intellectual... or at least try to be)

So I had this philosophy professor who was a prison guard and a tugboat captain.  While he was a tugboat captain he was reading Aeschylus.  He became so enthralled, so curious, so awesome that he decided he would teach himself Greek so he could read it in the original Greek.  That is a scholar mofo's.  That is someone we could all aspire to be but all will probably all fall short.

Anyway, I've been reading Greek tragedies to fall to sleep at night.  I like to think some of it just absorbs into my psyche.  Like the greatness just wears off.

August 21, 2018

Perfection (sarcasm)

(Recent sobriety going perfectly)

So my last drink was 48 hours ago (August 8th).  LOL.  Yesterday was ok but I'm feeling extremely agitated today.  I walked away from work about 3 hours early.  With no permission.  As a telecommuter just rolling the dice and hoping there won't be repercussions.