May 3, 2019

Axiom (Nonsense)

(In which I'm under the influence and make no sense)

I don't feel quite right.  Bit guilty really.
Read it in a book, it was underlined
My computer sounds like a jet engine.  I fear it will die soon.
Vampire Weekend on Spotify with a beer
Whew I am tired
This is a nonsense picture I created on my phone from stolen images found on Google and Tumblr.
As usual it has been way too long since I've posted.  I often think about posting but it just doesn't happen.  I post a lot more on Tumblr since it's so fast

March 27, 2019

Two headed boy

(In which I steal pictures I did in the past to write another post about Neutral Milk Hotel)

October 23, 2018

Wow I finally made it

Checkmate life!  I have conquered!  I'm an undeniable success!

Sarcasm is the protest of the weak.  There was an obvious thing a counselor said that stuck with me one of the times I had a compulsory stay at a psychiatric inpatient program.  That sounds so much better than... kept against my will in an institution.  Or locked up in the loony bin.

October 2, 2018


(In which I am a pseudo-intellectual... or at least try to be)

So I had this philosophy professor who was a prison guard and a tugboat captain.  While he was a tugboat captain he was reading Aeschylus.  He became so enthralled, so curious, so awesome that he decided he would teach himself Greek so he could read it in the original Greek.  That is a scholar mofo's.  That is someone we could all aspire to be but all will probably all fall short.

Anyway, I've been reading Greek tragedies to fall to sleep at night.  I like to think some of it just absorbs into my psyche.  Like the greatness just wears off.

August 21, 2018

Perfection (sarcasm)

(Recent sobriety going perfectly)

So my last drink was 48 hours ago (August 8th).  LOL.  Yesterday was ok but I'm feeling extremely agitated today.  I walked away from work about 3 hours early.  With no permission.  As a telecommuter just rolling the dice and hoping there won't be repercussions.

July 16, 2018

Summertime sadness

Kiss me hard before you go
(In which I argue July mood disturbances right after summer solstice are a real thing)

Trigger warning: just stop reading this stupid post.

The summer solstice was June 21st this year.   Every year roughly two weeks afterward my mood becomes very unstable.  This year is no different.  I think it's all tied to circadian rhythms as to whether it's the most or least sunlight of the year.  I typically have extreme depression in January after the winter solstice.  July is different.  It's close to a mixed state.  It's a dangerous time.  Bouncing up and down. 

June 27, 2018

Sobriety is hard (duh)

(In which I whine about not being able to pursue the path to alcoholism)

I officially started trying to be sober on May 14th or so.  I've had one slip where I drank four beers one night.  Honestly to try to feel good about the time sober I'm not sure I'm going to count that.  It has been very difficult to resist drinking.  Which I suppose tells me I really have a problem.  I'm fine acknowledging that I had an issue and need to stop.  What I'm impatient about is when the hell I'm going to stop wanting a drink.

June 13, 2018

Daytime drowsiness

Taking it "easy"
(In which I feel terribly guilty about taking a nap during my lunch break)

I like this photo b/c that guy is in business attire and still has his shoes on.  He's looking straight up at the ceiling as if in dread that he should be working but he's found himself in bed.  So relaxing.

I don't know if it's just getting a caffeine tolerance, anxiety paradoxically making me sleepy to avoid work, laziness, or just a habit... but I'm consistently getting so extremely drowsy in the afternoon.

June 5, 2018

Drying up

(In which I whine about my lack of writing)

So it's May.  And I haven't blogged since early December.  And I had a total of five posts last year. I contacted the administrator of Bipolar Blogger Network letting them know of my total inactivity and that I would understand if my blog was removed from the list.  I got no response and mercifully my blog remains on the list.  At one point I was trying to track how many readers I got (maybe 5) but I'm just so not caring about that any longer.

December 15, 2017

Your last anything

(In which I contemplate that no one knows the hour of their death)

This can't be my last post
This can't be my last car ride
This can't be my last drink
This can't be my last bowl
Surely I will have time someday to find joy in a fulfilling hobby

May 15, 2017

Awful monotony

(In which I whine about how mood swings get really old)

I've been having extreme mood swings where days are radically different.  One day I'm upbeat, energetic, productive, grateful, and optimistic. The little things don't bother me. I'm confident I will tackle them and they are manageable. I will get things done.  My thoughts are quick. They bubble up to the surface. It feels like basking in a relaxing hot spring.

April 20, 2017

Vyvanse malestrom

(In which I moan about ADD medication)

I really need to get off the Vyvanse.

I'm almost positive it's giving me terrible mood swings.  It wasn't this bad when I first started taking it.

March 2, 2017

Code monkey trap

(In which I complain about my job)

Work stress is nearly unbearable right now.  Deadlines are speeding toward me.  I am juggling two different projects both with imminent due dates.  I am the more or less the sole person responsible for the success or failure of the projects.  If something goes wrong it will be my ass on the line.

January 15, 2017

The painbirds are here

(In which I whine about the onset of January depression)

What a shitty 3 weeks it's been.  Vyvanse hasn't made me immune to the depression that always comes this time of year.  I had hoped it would help. Perhaps it has made it less severe, but, of course there's no way to know that.
I don't even know what to summarize things since I was posting somewhat regularly.  It's been a very long time. I've often thought of writing. It's pretty obvious I often have doubts I have anything worthwhile to say. 

May 19, 2016

The glass isn't half anything

(In which I rant about the glass being half full or half empty)

There has been depression, marital distress, and other stuff happening.  None of which I felt like blogging about particularly.  So I revert back to the daily prompt document I have.  The silly prompt for the day I checked (almost a week ago) was "Is the glass half-full, or half-empty?"