October 13, 2015

Mixed state and medication update

Still quite jumpy and jittery as get back to work.  Sunday was very tiring.  I had about a thirty minute crying spell, felt exhausted, depressed, but antsy and restless at the same time.  It felt like maybe I was having a mixed state episode.  It was very unpleasant.

Monday I saw my psychiatrist and have moved Abilify up to 5 mg (from 2) and Cymbalta down to 90 mg (from 120).  Personally I suspect the Cymbalta is too high and will be happy to see it go down to 60.  But need to go slowly.

Tuesday I'm feeling a little better.  Less jittery.  Still apprehensive about my work trip next week and the work related tasks I need to get done before the trip.

October 12, 2015

What depression feels like to me

(In which I go on and on trying to come up with lame metaphors for depression)
I’m not sure anyone has ever asked me what my “brand” of depression feels like.  Upon first reading that, I imagine it might sound lonesome or unbelievable, but there are two valid reasons.  First, I have frequently described it to those close to me.  Second, on a sad note, others who are close to me already know what depression feels like since they have experienced it firsthand (my mom, dad, and brother).

October 8, 2015

Hypomania off the alcohol?

I stopped drinking 10 days ago.  I firmly believe it has been a destructive and unpredictable drug, affecting my sleep, nutrition, mood, and psychiatric medications.  Reading this thread has helped convince me it is truly a bad idea for bipolar -- Don't Mix Alcohol & Meds  I'm going to do my absolute best to stop it completely.  So far it has not been easy.  Alcohol has been a habit, something I do at night, and a go-to coping mechanism.

Last week I was depressed which I chalked up to a stomach bug.  I think getting over the illness, stopping alcohol, and difficult work stress has bounced me too high and I am borderline hypomanic now.  Perhaps it's some other reason, but either way I think it's happening.

Signs I might be hypomanic

  1. Unable to concentrate on work.  Very distractable.
  2. Waking early (even though do go back to sleep eventually)
  3. Increased interest in sex
  4. Increased activity (reading about medication, blogging)
  5. Doing tasks have put off for a long time
  6. Increased speech
  7. Elevated mood
  8. Doing more housework
Complicating factor is I go to see my psychiatrist tomorrow.  How much are the last two weeks relevant?  Talking with Mary this morning we agreed I should not change my medicine drastically before my work trip.  

Overall, things do not look good for me accomplishing much at work.  Which of course ups the anxiety.  Hoping some of this evens out...