November 26, 2015

Daily prompt - I have confidence in me

(In which I contemplate how bad I am at my job)

The prompt is
Are you good at what you do?  What would you like to be better at?
I'm a "software developer" which sounds to me like a pompous sort of job description.  When people ask what I do for a living I tell them I'm a "programmer".  Perhaps that's a bit outdated, but at least it's one word.

So the question is, "Am I good at writing code?"  After over a decade at my job I'd have to say that I'm "OK".  On the bell curve I'd give myself a solid 48%.  Sure that's below average, but it could be a lot worse.  I've seen some hideous code in my time.  As time goes by I've come to appreciate that there are some really badass coders out there (and I'm not one of them).  Ten years ago I was an arrogant asshole.  I thought I was a solid 85% (or better).  Not only did I think sunshine came out of my ass, I also had great contempt for anyone who I deemed not good at writing code.  What a judgmental douchebag I was.

One thing about being a bipolar perfectionist is that I want to stay in my comfort zone and resist any efforts to get me out of there.  Unfortunately, I'm in a field that is changing all the time as new technologies keep rising up.  My job has not forced me to keep up all the changes and I'm terrible at taking any extra time to do so.  I just want to clock in, do my job, and clock out.  Can I chalk that all up to being bipolar?  Nope.  Not sure I can attribute any of it to that, more being a perfectionist and that I am lacking the drive, passion, fire, ambition.  Whatever you want to call it.  I think it's unlikely to kick in at this point so I'll just keep learning the bare minimum to get by.

Image credit wikimedia from flickr user Len Peralta

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