March 30, 2016

World Bipolar Day

I feel compelled to at least post something about this day.  I'd go read a bunch of links in blahpolar's link dump.  Some really good stuff there including the questioning of whether there needs to be a "day" for everything?  Also worth reading is this excellent article about Van Gogh and bipolar.

March 29, 2016

RIP Patty Duke

I know next to nothing about Patty Duke.  I didn't know she had bipolar or was a mental health advocate.  I grew up with no access to television which included any reruns of old shows.  I've never seen her television show or The Miracle Worker.  In case you didn't know any of this either, I thought I'd make this post about her passing.  I think it's good to know about mental health advocates and be grateful for the impact they had.  I think it's good to know about public figures that have bipolar and were articulate and realistic about it.

Image credit: Wikipedia

March 28, 2016

Racing thoughts, no work done

Almost seem to be cycling these last three days.
Saturday I was extremely irritable. I felt miserable. Had no patience for kids or Mary. I know it was terrible to be around me. I was just so low. No energy.  We went out to a restaurant and Phillip screamed multiple times. It was so stressful. Then we drove around to look at other landscaping in the neighborhood.

March 26, 2016

Five depressions a week for life

What the fuck am I doing buying scratch-offs? I guess the fantasy is that I'm going to win and not have to work anymore. No shit. Why does anyone buy them? But really, the question isn't why buy them, but why tonight. Because it's become a goddamn habit.  So here I am wasting money. Fucking loser.

March 24, 2016

Full neck beard equals depressed

Title says it all.  I haven't shaved in about eleven days.  Haven't washed my hair in six.  I look a mess.  This is what my depression looks like people.  Sleeping 10-12 hours a night.
Feel like I can't talk about it b/c it's March.  And I'm "allowed" to be depressed end of January and beginning of July.  I fear Mary has no patience for this.  I'll get encouraged to exercise, do something I enjoy, change my medication, go see my pdoc.
I have counseling today.  I thought about cleaning up.  But why should I hide how I'm feeling?  Thinking of trying Latuda in case it's cheaper than the Abilify.  I doubt it is. I need to see if I can find a coupon for Abilify. I pay $7 a pill now for generic which just seems like utter bullshit.  Anyway, I've been better. I've been worse. Life marches on.

March 23, 2016

Butterfly breathing

More racing thoughts.  Work productivity is a little better, but I wouldn't say by much.  I've managed to make a little more progress on one simple bug.  On a good day this bug should take an hour.  I'm going on a day and a half at this point.
How am I supposed to focus when I am this distractable and filled with restless energy?  It's almost like akathisia but I can't imagine why I would be experiencing that.

March 16, 2016

Shit falls apart

That's what is happening these days... shit seems to be falling apart.

The house
Our house is losing 25 gallons an hour.  There are no obvious internal signs like wet carpet etc. so at least we got that going for us.  But we can't figure out what it is.  The plumber is coming tomorrow.  Hopefully it's just the toilets.  Hopefully the home warranty will cover the repairs.  Otherwise I'm not sure what the hell we're spending $60 a month on.