October 23, 2018

Wow I finally made it

Checkmate life!  I have conquered!  I'm an undeniable success!

Sarcasm is the protest of the weak.  There was an obvious thing a counselor said that stuck with me one of the times I had a compulsory stay at a psychiatric inpatient program.  That sounds so much better than... kept against my will in an institution.  Or locked up in the loony bin.

October 2, 2018


(In which I am a pseudo-intellectual... or at least try to be)

So I had this philosophy professor who was a prison guard and a tugboat captain.  While he was a tugboat captain he was reading Aeschylus.  He became so enthralled, so curious, so awesome that he decided he would teach himself Greek so he could read it in the original Greek.  That is a scholar mofo's.  That is someone we could all aspire to be but all will probably all fall short.

Anyway, I've been reading Greek tragedies to fall to sleep at night.  I like to think some of it just absorbs into my psyche.  Like the greatness just wears off.

August 21, 2018

Perfection (sarcasm)

(Recent sobriety going perfectly)

So my last drink was 48 hours ago (August 8th).  LOL.  Yesterday was ok but I'm feeling extremely agitated today.  I walked away from work about 3 hours early.  With no permission.  As a telecommuter just rolling the dice and hoping there won't be repercussions.

July 16, 2018

Summertime sadness

Kiss me hard before you go
(In which I argue July mood disturbances right after summer solstice are a real thing)

Trigger warning: just stop reading this stupid post.

The summer solstice was June 21st this year.   Every year roughly two weeks afterward my mood becomes very unstable.  This year is no different.  I think it's all tied to circadian rhythms as to whether it's the most or least sunlight of the year.  I typically have extreme depression in January after the winter solstice.  July is different.  It's close to a mixed state.  It's a dangerous time.  Bouncing up and down. 

June 27, 2018

Sobriety is hard (duh)

(In which I whine about not being able to pursue the path to alcoholism)

I officially started trying to be sober on May 14th or so.  I've had one slip where I drank four beers one night.  Honestly to try to feel good about the time sober I'm not sure I'm going to count that.  It has been very difficult to resist drinking.  Which I suppose tells me I really have a problem.  I'm fine acknowledging that I had an issue and need to stop.  What I'm impatient about is when the hell I'm going to stop wanting a drink.

June 13, 2018

Daytime drowsiness

Taking it "easy"
(In which I feel terribly guilty about taking a nap during my lunch break)

I like this photo b/c that guy is in business attire and still has his shoes on.  He's looking straight up at the ceiling as if in dread that he should be working but he's found himself in bed.  So relaxing.

I don't know if it's just getting a caffeine tolerance, anxiety paradoxically making me sleepy to avoid work, laziness, or just a habit... but I'm consistently getting so extremely drowsy in the afternoon.

June 5, 2018

Drying up

(In which I whine about my lack of writing)

So it's May.  And I haven't blogged since early December.  And I had a total of five posts last year. I contacted the administrator of Bipolar Blogger Network letting them know of my total inactivity and that I would understand if my blog was removed from the list.  I got no response and mercifully my blog remains on the list.  At one point I was trying to track how many readers I got (maybe 5) but I'm just so not caring about that any longer.