June 27, 2018

Sobriety is hard (duh)

(In which I whine about not being able to pursue the path to alcoholism)

I officially started trying to be sober on May 14th or so.  I've had one slip where I drank four beers one night.  Honestly to try to feel good about the time sober I'm not sure I'm going to count that.  It has been very difficult to resist drinking.  Which I suppose tells me I really have a problem.  I'm fine acknowledging that I had an issue and need to stop.  What I'm impatient about is when the hell I'm going to stop wanting a drink.

I stopped the weed around Valentine's day.  It had gotten out of hand as I've written earlier.  It was a cheesy stupid attempt to do something significant for Mary other than a box of chocolates.  She was patient and did not demand I stop.  So wise, because I can look back at that and know it was my choice at my time and I don't resent her for quitting.  I do resent myself for doing it though (only kidding a little).  It took a long while for that craving to go away.  Of course, it wasn't too long after that I got to smoke again when I had to travel to... some state where it's legal.  It's a mystery.

As an update, I started writing this post on June 23rd.  And I was definitely thinking about sobriety at the time (obviously).  That night I did not go to the dinner table, drank like a rock star on an empty stomach, and vomited violently.  At least I made it to the toilet.  I have often not made it to the toilet and spewed wherever and whenever it needed to happen.  So... the new date for sobriety is June 23rd.  I'm not sure this all or nothing approach is the best way to do this.  Mary pointed out that losing control every now and then had to be better than drinking every night.  She has a point.

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