August 6, 2019

In man the man

Under the red light

Yet another incomprehensible night 
I had quite an adventure that I otherwise would never have done. A walk in the night to the convenience store. 

The week is long. Too long for sativa to abate. That's not the right word. I kept my safety as a top priority. Flashing light. Reflective vest. Decked the fuck out. 
And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile. And you may ask yourself, how did I get here. 
It's only Tuesday. Life is slow and fast at the same time. 



August 5, 2019

Follow the dreaming

(In which I try to keep it together, but am clearly failing).

The last breath.  You wish you knew.  Not sure if anyone could ever really know.  Occasionally I find myself thinking about that.  I suppose it's a maturing and sensing mortality?  Or July.  It could very well be July.  But tomorrow is August.  It seems like any effects of July would be over by now.

Round up the usual suspects.  The first counselor I ever had.  He was with the college.  Whenever something went wrong, that was what he said.  It's probably the usual stuff.

July 4, 2019

My Blue Dude


Keep your clothes on dude. He wants a bath before noon. I'm lazy and don't want to do it. But, I feel kinda bad. "It's better to burn out than to fade away." Continuing to eat hair of a doll.
Update : another Sunday. The others are off to the tennis court.




Heavy heart




Making sure my blue dude keeps his clothes on. Bluetooth headphones blasting my latest playlist:
Happy birthday America. Congratulations on the revolution. I think we need another one. The population, the technology, the inequality... we need a new way. It feels nice to have a day off.   Even though my advisee is probably about to quit. Haven't listened to radiohead in so long.  Kinda steam of consciousness right now. Can't manage much more. My head really hurts a lot. The music doesn't bother me though. 
"In a fast German car, I'm amazed that I survived. The airbag saved my life."

July 3, 2019

It's July baby

In which I am under the influence while at work

Beer was buy one get one free at the closest liquor store.  Unfortunately it's the night of a sleepover with my son's friend.  And it would be appropriate to not act like a total lush.

The summer solstice is a couple of weeks behind me.  I have been angry or moody on a few nights.  I truly feel like doing one of those things where you mash together a bunch of lyrics from your favorite songs.  And so... because it gives me great impulsive pleasure... here I go.

I move with the elegance of an African elephant. 
He hit me and it felt like a kiss 
You're going to reap just what you sow
With my voice I am calling you
A loose affiliation of millionaires and billionaires

June 30, 2019

Just another Sunday


Sunday nights are conflicting
I'm really going to have an unpleasant Monday morning. My annual review at work. A presentation I'm supposed to do, but I'm unprepared for. And here I am blogging under the influence. Super Silver Haze. My wife is sick and can barely breathe. My son won't go to sleep. Been listening to Berlin today. Going to have to give him melatonin. This blogger free pro is a great app. It cracks me up it's called free pro. 

June 22, 2019

Summer solstice 2019

Yesterday was the summer solstice. As I've written about before, I'm convinced I enter a depressed state about 1-3 weeks after the solstice. Which can often flip into a mixed state. Mixed states are the most dangerous. Horribly depressed but with enough agitated energy to possibly act on suicidal thoughts. Few (including my pdoc) believe it's a real thing.  My wife is acutely aware this is a crappy time. She noticed this pattern before I did.

Work this past year has been more stressful than ever. I'm slowly getting pushed into being the leader of a team. We're also trying having hard deadlines every three months. We've missed every date so far which it's hard not to feel like a failure from that.

Today I've felt like jumping out of my skin. That nervous feeling like nothing is right. Which makes me wander around the house doing miscellaneous cleaning and feeling like I'm forgetting something. So unpleasant. I don't know how to shake it. Alcohol helps but of course I'm not supposed to drink. Nevertheless I picked up a six pack at the drive through liquor store that is a two minute drive from my house.

June 20, 2019

Love will tear us apart

I put a zero pixel image on my brain. It felt great.  Below is what I'll call uber mensch with Cheetohs.
Uber

Mildly stable

For several reasons... I've found some control back in my life. Mostly through my wife's actions which are so helpful.
And that is about all there is my dude. Been playing a lot of Mario Kart. Listening to spotify playlist with A$AP Rocky, Forest Swords, Sparklehorse, Lana del Rey, etc.
Even if I don't have much to say I am going to try blogging more. Just random thoughts seems acceptable to me. 

June 17, 2019

Octopus

 (In which I am blogging but shouldn't be and really have nothing to say)

This random photo is a sculpture my roommate Jimbo created and gave to me.  It's really nice.  I keep it on my desk.

Work is absolutely destroying me now as far as stress goes.  I am actually starting to wonder if I'm just going to keel over one day from a heart attack.  It really does feel like that sometimes.

Thus the self-medication

May 3, 2019

Axiom (Nonsense)

(In which I'm under the influence and make no sense)

I don't feel quite right.  Bit guilty really.
Read it in a book, it was underlined
My computer sounds like a jet engine.  I fear it will die soon.
Vampire Weekend on Spotify with a beer
Whew I am tired
This is a nonsense picture I created on my phone from stolen images found on Google and Tumblr.
As usual it has been way too long since I've posted.  I often think about posting but it just doesn't happen.  I post a lot more on Tumblr since it's so fast

March 27, 2019

Two headed boy

(In which I steal pictures I did in the past to write another post about Neutral Milk Hotel)